magiacaedofandomcom-20200215-history
I'm Sorry
Dear Everyone, I’m writing this right as I sit in the West Falador Bank, my spirit kyatt lingering right behind me among the plethora of summoning familiars: a compost mound, a bunyip, a barker toad, a Talat, a fruit ba – no, wait, that guy’s not one of us. Anyway, I know it seems dumb to write something like this when I’m churning with a storm of emotions at an hour past midnight, but I have to. Otherwise, I’ll wake up and think it too silly, brushing it off to never be written. I also need to have this somewhere, archived, so that I can pull it up again at a later date. First, I’d like to use this paragraph to apologize to everyone in general. I dun goof’d. I have been acting like a poorly conceived villain lately: being angry for no reason whatsoever and lashing out at any available target. For some reason, my mind and judgment have been out of whack. Hormones? Alien brain implants? The fact that I’m almost out of Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans™? None of them are reasons to excuse my behavior, and I am deeply sorry for it. Now, it’s time that I go down my friends list as I write some custom apologies. to Lily I suppose I’ll start with you, Lily, since you’re messaging me like you just discovered one of my roleplay plot secrets and don’t want to spoil it in the clan chat. I started this whole thing on you, one of my closest friends. Oh, how tired I was of your meanness (yes, it’s a word – Microsoft Word says it is) toward others, while you continued bathing me in kindness. It almost seemed like I didn’t deserve it, that I was somehow stealing your nice-juice from everyone else in the clan chat. Yeah, in retrospect, that does sound really stupid, since nice-juice isn’t actually measurable to our knowledge. But it did sort of work because I discovered how much more attention you gave the others. You were asking Walt to follow-dance with you; you were asking Daniel to hang out with you. Daniel: the guy you held a grudge for since that long-past incident that Sif had already dismissed herself. You even felt bad about calling him Nit (a nickname he still dislikes) and started addressing him by his proper name. I was actually kind of surprised it worked, that you were talking to people like Roxas for a change (you see, I was applying my former theory on the whole clan-chat-hating-a-single-person thing to this). But I began feeling a bit empty without you responding to my “funny and witty” comments, laughing quietly to myself as I waited for “Arlom: lol Jt” to pop up in the chat box; alas, no such luck. So, I did try a bit to salvage what was left of our connection by acting nicer, but it didn’t work too well. I’m just glad that you understood me, even now, and accepted my apology as I wrote the letter. to Walt And then there’s Walt. Lily actually mentioned you, so that’s why you’re second in this letter. I feel I’ve abused you terribly, taking advantage of your kind spirit. You took my fire like a willing servant that won’t fight back, but that’s not how it should be. You’re my friend, a very close one, and I am disgusted that I would hurt you like I have. A little birdie (ironic description, since she actually plays a character that squishes little birdies) told me that you felt you were being shadowed by me choosing Daniel for certain things. I didn’t realize you felt this way, and I’m sorry if it’s caused you any sort of distress. What I want to apologize most for is that T4S session, which is perhaps when I was meanest to you. I shouldn’t have called you an idiot or made that sarcastic comment because you aren’t an idiot. I wasn’t playing Han: I was playing the Hulk (shut up, I know that sounds lame, lol). He was a terrible manifestation of my anger that was attacking the poor students with bitter remarks, and I’m guessing you took a lot of it personally. After all, Percy is your character, and a character is often used as a medium for the roleplayer’s own opinions and ideas. Han, in a sense, became my medium: my anger flowed through him and it came out in ugly, yellow text. You didn’t deserve to be attacked like that, Walt, and I’m sorry. to Rox The same goes for you, Rox. You were at that session, and I attacked you all collectively. I believe it was something along the lines of being idiots and being able to play angry, arrogant, immature teenagers well (ugh, I feel terrible x_x). I hope you understand that I’m sorry for saying such a mean-spirited thing. It does nothing good for us, so I apologize. to Jack I also need to apologize to Jack. You were at that session, too, but that’s not the only thing I want to apologize for. You’re perhaps the nicest person in the clan chat, and I think I’ve pushed you into the dark side with my recent raging, perhaps even longer than that. You even protest against the fighting. But, and I’m sick when typing this, I think I enjoyed fuelling those fights. I enjoyed watching people get mad for some reason, even though you disliked it. Today, you trolled so hard that you would probably kill yourself (since you play Botyr, and he hates trolls, Ohoho). I feel I am the cause of your attitude, and I’m sorry for that. to Adam, even though he didn't want to be separated from Jack Most everybody has logged off, now, since it’s 2:30 A.M. (lol, A.M., like Anima Mainyu – get it?) 3:10, now. I guess I’ll move onto Adam, since he’s dancing with Lily right now. Even though I consider you one of my closest friends, I don’t get to interact with you much since you live on the other side of the world and aren’t allowed to get on at certain times. Nevertheless, I think I have wronged you in some ways. You don’t get much of a chance to roleplay, and when you were on to participate, I neglected to run the roleplay. Has it caused you to become more malicious, meaner, more bitter? I hope it hasn’t, but I’m sorry for forgetting you, Adam. Also, roosters. (I can’t say the other word because I might get banned.) to Omar As I said, I’m going to give you a proper apology, Omar. I shouldn’t have attacked you or called you a moron. I snapped, but that’s not a good excuse for me being an asshat (thanks for the word, Lily). Yes, I was very angry, and I still think it wasn’t nice to linger on their roleplay, but I should have talked to you in a polite and respectful manner. Since that’s how I expect you to speak, I have to do the same toward you. I’m sorry for exploding like… well, I can’t think of a clever simile, but I hope you understand. to Van And then that leads me to Van. A lot of people probably think I’m a dumb ass for keeping you around after everything you’ve said to others, but you can honestly be very pleasant to have around when you’re nice. I don’t know why, but I keep hoping that you’ll redeem yourself because I just feel that you really are a good person. You’ll pick yourself back up, be nice, work hard. A little bit of my metaphorical heart chips away whenever you drop right back down. That happened yesterday with Omar. You had just died during A Void Dance (oh, wow, I just got that it sounds like “avoidance”) and were rushing to reclaim your dropped possessions. Then Omar comes out with one, simple word that is said by thousands every day on the Internet: noob. You snapped and made that largely offensive comment, and he kicked you. While he was right to do so, I didn’t feel you were entirely in the wrong. Omar has dropped similar comments on a regular basis against you, and I neglected to address that issue, hoping nothing would come of it. Obviously, I was wrong to ignore the problem, and it turned sour today when I snapped at him. It should have been a mature request; instead, I became a monster. I apologize if you think I had betrayed you. to Sif The reason I sympathized with Van yesterday was the fact that I actually related to him in a way. In fact, I acted in a very similar way. Sif: you’ve been a great friend since I joined your roleplay some three years earlier. Not only have you been a sort of mentor to me, you’ve also been a caring friend. You even asked if I was okay some moments after my recent explosion! And I said I’d talk about it when my head was clearer. It’s been two hours since then, so that’s good enough. I used to hate being undermined by you; you would always make these comments about me, as if you were criticizing my leadership abilities right in my own clan chat. And I confronted you about it. It was the first time I felt I could actually stand up to you, and I was so happy when you understood my views and agreed. But then time passed and it seemed as if you had forgotten that day. Today, in my clan chat, you made that comment about me and upholding my rules. Maybe you didn’t mean to type it like a passively aggressive attack, but I read it as such. Of course, I didn’t say anything. I felt as if I was going back to being undermined, as if my words had been forgotten. Then that next comment pushed me over the edge, much like Omar’s “noob” toward Van. I said things that rips away at the fence of friendship (cheese is delicious, isn’t it?); I felt like I couldn’t just talk to you like before. However, I was wrong and in a rage, and I don’t want to lose you as a friend. I’m sorry. I hope this was a good conveyance of my feelings. to Daniel I also need to apologize to Daniel. You were so angry after our not-argument yesterday, and after others before that. I’m deeply sorry for judging you so harshly and for twisting your words like that. I made you very upset, and I shouldn’t have. As I stated earlier, I was enjoying making you mad for some sick reason that is unknown to me. I don’t want to make anyone mad, which is why I’m writing this letter. I don’t think you’re a bad person at all. You’re always thinking, a philosopher, and one so trusting of me that he shares his thoughts with me. It’s an honor to be able to interact with you, and I think I sometimes forget the brilliant mind I’m speaking to. I apologize for what I said about your character because you aren’t any of those bad things. to Ciel Lastly, I want to apologize to you, Ciel. You saw those rude comments I threw into the clan chat, and it made you feel terrible. However, I want you to understand that I don’t think you’re a moron. You’re one of the most well-being people in the clan chat, and you only wanted to find something you believed others might enjoy doing with you. I may have hurt you more than I wanted to, and I’m sorry for doing that. Some other things I should mention You’re all good friends and I probably took out my sudden anger on you all. You don’t deserve the things I said (the bad things, anyway). I just hope that this letter can somehow help in fixing the mess that has come from this storm. Now, I want you all to remember that we’re no strangers to love. You know the rules, and so do I. A full commitment’s what I’m thinking of. You wouldn’t get this from any other guy. I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling; gotta make you understand: never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you. Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt you. Your Friend with an Aching Head, 1tk1 P.S. Not that head, Adam! *slams hammer down at member* P.S.S. Holy crap: it’s 3:50 A.M.!! 300px|left